Hop On...the roller coaster to transplant has begun to roll.

So no news from the Holter Monitor test, which the tech had said would be a good sign.  However, that just means my heart cooperated too much and the few symptoms I experienced weren’t anything to be concerned about?  Which I suppose is good news, but they certainly don’t feel normal or good for the heart. 

Yesterday, I received my paperwork for the reevaluation tests to be done.  Whew, reading it just made me exhausted.  Here they are in no particular order: 

Full labs

Carotid ultrasound

Lower extremity venous Doppler

Lower extremity arterial Doppler

Pulmonary function testing

Pap smear

Mammogram

Dietary consultation

Social work consult

Updated transplant education

CT of chest/abdomen/pelvis

I received 2 lab sheets, one with 4 tests, and the second sheet which read:  Heart Transplant Lab Evaluation- has 42 tests on it.  I do recall when I was 16 and had labs drawn for evaluation there being 16-17 vials filled.  Hoping it won’t be 42 vials this time around since I’m 42!  LOL 

I went this afternoon to get the 4 lab tests completed and just as we pulled in our driveway, the transplant coordinator called & my CT scan is scheduled for tomorrow morning as well as those 42 other lab tests.  Hopefully I won’t need a transfusion after all that blood is taken out of me!   

Then next week, I’ll tackle the rest of the tests & consults I need on the list.  Thankfully I already took care of the “normal” tests-pap and mammogram, and it’s possible that the Pulmonary Function Test I had a month ago will suffice to remove another off this list.  

I’m getting a bit more tired and notice it when I try to do things that wouldn’t normally make me tired…that shouldn’t make me tired.  It is so frustrating.  I didn’t notice it as much as a teen, I guess because by the time I was at this point, I was no longer working, and we’d already moved.  So I just had school, homework and chores.  I recall doing chores making me tired, and school all day was exhausting.  I stayed home and my sister would bring homework.  Then the homework stopped, as I couldn’t stay awake long enough to sit up to do homework. Then the month long sleep fest began...every teenagers dream right?  So much easier as a teen since my responsibilities were so minimal. 

Whole new ball game when you are a wife & mother.  What do you think happens when mom can’t do chores anymore?  Thankfully Leah, and even Nolan a little bit, have stepped up to help out and God couldn’t have selected a more suitable husband for this caregiver role.  But it takes its toll on everyone and is very frustrating to me to not help out.  And then frustrating to me that when I do help, even minimally, the exhaustion and/or symptoms that follow make me realize that I can do that task anymore.  Of course I’m stubborn, and a couple of days later, I’ll try again, only to be frustrated again!  Ladies, let me tell you, from experience.  Having your husband and kids take care of all your tasks and duties sound wonderful.  And it probably would be for a weekend…maybe even a week?  But then, you can’t help yourself, no seriously, you can’t.  You feel this urge to wipe off the counters and put away the dishes in the dishwasher.  Straighten the pillows on the couch, and take the dozen wash cloths your kids use in the bathroom and throw them in the washer.  Yep…this is the silly kind of stuff that makes me feel like not only have I performed a gymnastics routine at the Olympics, but my heart still is!  Crazy huh?  It really isn’t all it’s cut out to be-this laying around “doing nothing”.   

For now, I am laying around, but I’m almost finished with the kid’s lesson plans that I’ve been working on the last 2 weeks.  (no, it normally doesn’t take me that long)  And I started to tackle organizing the school area 2 weeks ago as well, but that wasn’t such a good idea.  Now only 1 small section gets done every other day.  I had high hopes of starting school early this year.  We normally start after Labor Day, but I was going to start next week.  I think I might be a little too ambitious.   

With that, I’ll leave you with a song that fits my plight right now.  God Bless you all for the continued prayers, notes, texts, emails, video chats, messages, cards etc.  It’s like a little piece of God holding my hand. 

"Trust In You" by Lauren Daigle

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!